It’s been a while.

I havent got the time to really write something.

Life’s been up and down since the last time Ive really written something here.

It’s 11:43PM and my thoughts have not been the best.

Is it depression finally taking over? frustration? I dont really know.

I just know its not happy. Im not happy. Havent been for awhile.

I tried to distract myself. these are just thoughts and thoughts can play stupid things on your psyche.

Im at the point when I no longer understand why the universe has been so unpleasant and unforgiving.. What have I ever done wrong in this life?

No matter what I do, it seems like I just fuck up over and over, endlessly. Or, fuck up is being thrown hard at me. like an endless rain of lemons and bitterness.

I never hurt anyone. I never killed any one.

Don’t I deserve to be happy too?

Don’t I deserve to be treated well?

These days had been tough.

I never felt so alone.

unappreciated. unwanted. unneeded.

I mean, these things wouldnt even matter but, to be treated like you are worthless.

That you can’t even defend yourself. Offer your reasoning. Respond to accusations. Speak your peace.

I would rather prefer to be treated like I dont exist rather than be treated like a useless, worthless piece.

I love life. I love my cat. I love my niece and nephews. I love my siblings. theyre the only ones I often think back to why I have to keep on going. my anchor. my source of happiness.

But sometimes… im losing hope. my self worth.

I will try to hold on and keep on fighting but until when. for how much longer?